You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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