You're completely useless in the revolution.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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