I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
