do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
