i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
