take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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