ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

  Fav 27 8242 1539

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

  Fav 15 5295 1341

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments

  Fav 7 6211 1001

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

  Fav 7 4018 1486

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

  Fav 4 702 1406

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina

  Fav 5 597 1182

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

  Fav 18 1655 2177

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

  Fav 5 1504 755

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.

  Fav 4 708 1094

  share tweet
  

• (212): View more from New York

  You tried paying your tab with the coaster

  Fav 1 396 171

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.

  Fav 0 68 27

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....

  Fav 0 41 11

  share tweet
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.

  Fav 0 36 6

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  The honor would be all mine.

  Fav 0 64 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet

  Fav 0 10 75

  share tweet
  

Randomize