Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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