wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
