Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This is the high leading the old right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet