take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy