i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.