Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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