Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
