even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
