Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
