I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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