You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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