just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This toilet bowl is my home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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