Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
