My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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