You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
