he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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