We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
