hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
