: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
