She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
