Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
