so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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