It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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