I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think people are normalizing furries
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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