I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
