Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
