Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
