lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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