Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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