pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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