he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
