everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
