wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
