You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
