If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
