ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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