I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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