after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
3pm strippers are depressing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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