escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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