the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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