Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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