where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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