I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
