My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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