I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
