my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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