Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
