Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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