do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
