Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize