it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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