I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
