That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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